Hope is not pretending that troubles don't exist. It the the hope that they won't last forever. That hurts will be healed and difficulties overcome. That we will be led out of the darkness & into the sunshine.

I've not kept it a secret that this last year or so was a rough one for me. I felt like I was somehow drowning in my own life...and then feeling even worse about feeling that way, because I don't have a bad life. It was and still is hard to explain. But I made a promise to myself and to my family that I would do what I need to to find my way out of that place.

Over the last 8 months...

I've sought out help from a psychologist. She's been pretty amazing and has been a great fit for me! I tried this once just a little over 2 years ago and did not mesh well with that lady, so much so it took me another 2 years to try again. Please don't wait as long as I did!
Read far too many self-help books, or self-improvement books as I like to call them.
Recently started a low dose of an anti-anxiety/anti-depressant.
Talked more about my struggles with my friends and family, rather than try to cover it up and pretend that life was great.
Cried more. Tears of happiness and joy as well as tears of sadness and frustration.
Felt more. I'm working on tearing down the walls I've built up that had taken away not only my ability to feel sad or hurt, but that wall also shut out a lot of good feelings as well.
Started participating in this amazing Project: Something Beautiful. A project that has encouraged me to use my photography (and for me personally to try writing) as another form of therapy.
Started asking myself harder questions. Am I being true to myself or am I trying to please someone or fit in? What are my priorities? What is important to me in this life? What do I really believe in?
Took an amazing 2 week road trip with my family. That blog will come when I have a chance to finish up our photos, but it was truly a very soul fulfilling trip with my family. I believe it brought us closer as a family, caused us to slow down even though we were on the road a lot, and to be more present with one another. That's another thing I struggle with, being present.

Why do I share this? Because I know I'm not the one that struggles. This I know. I also know that there is more than one way to deal with struggles. If something is not working for you, try something different. Ask for help...even if it's hard.

It was my HOPE and still is my HOPE that I come out on the other side of this stronger, with a better understanding of myself and with a new confidence in who I am. Maybe using "other side" is not the best wording to use because it insinuates that there is a "here" and a "there," a "start" and an "end" when really it is "this moment, right now". We are all on our journeys that ebb and flow and are ever changing. Moments that melt together and are never really separate even if it sometimes feels that way; even if those moments happened in what seem like a lifetime ago, those moments are still a part of our journey. A part of our story and a part of what makes us who we are today. We have an opportunity to learn from the moments in our life that are hard, that are less than perfect, and turn them into something beautiful.

It is my HOPE that I can use my own struggles to help others around to feel a little less alone in their struggles. I know that I have been inspired by so many other people that have openly shared their struggles. I've had people reach out to me through social media that have been encourage by what I have shared with my struggles. I think it's so important for us to know how connected we are and that we all deal with different struggles throughout different times in our lives.

It is my HOPE that if someday my husband or my girls go through a period of darkness, that I will be able to help them come back into the light, because they are one of the very reasons I know the light exists. My family has helped bring me back into the sunshine. My husband, although I know a lot of times he may not know exactly what to do or say and we do a lot of things imperfectly, he has walked beside me through this period of struggle and does everything in his power to bring me back into the sunshine.

Brené Brown (I'm kind of a big fan of hers if you can't tell) writes in the Gifts of Imperfection, "...hope is not an emotion: it's a way of thinking or a cognitive process.

....hope happens when

We have the ability to set realistic goals (I know where I want to go).
We are able to figure out how to achieve my goals, including the ability to stay flexible and develop alternative routs (I know how to get there, I'm persistent, and I can tolerate disappointment and try again).
We believe in ourselves (I can do this!)."

What I'm discovering about HOPE as well as so many other things in my life, HOPE is something that requires some work. I find that all things that are good and worth in this life require work; marriage, parenting, friendship, your dreams and passions. I'm also finding that putting in the work into these areas in my life have also given me the greatest rewards and have been the most life filling parts of my soul.

Please follow along with our blog circle and read on to see what my friend, Aubrey of Aubrey Bahr Storyteller, has to say about HOPE.