It overjoys my heart when a family asks me to encapsulate their family in photos...and then it about makes my heart burst open when they add that they would like your help announcing their pregnancy! You know you have captured something special when you look back at the photographs you have taken for someone and you smile and you laugh and you cry and then you smile some more. Congratulations {B} Family! We are beyond excited for you!
It's hard to believe that it's been just over 2 years since I had my last senior session and man, did I have so much fun with Maddie's! This girl was so sweet and so beautiful. She even had a furry friend that made an appearance...her new rabbit, Willow. Is that not the most perfect name for that adorable little bunny? Maddie was also such a great sport with trying out some things I've been wanting to incorporate into a session as well! Wishing you the best of luck on your senior year, Maddie!
Have you ever had those people in your life that have just been there for almost as long as you can remember? This family is one of those for me. They have been there since the beginning of what is now my family and so many of my memories and stories of how our families started are intertwined. We've laughed together, we've cried together, we've been there for the bad times and for the really, really great ones too. We've had so many unforgettable times together. It's so fun for me to get to capture my friends and their families as they grow and it is always an honor that they have asked me to do that for them.
Hope is not pretending that troubles don't exist. It the the hope that they won't last forever. That hurts will be healed and difficulties overcome. That we will be led out of the darkness & into the sunshine.
I've not kept it a secret that this last year or so was a rough one for me. I felt like I was somehow drowning in my own life...and then feeling even worse about feeling that way, because I don't have a bad life. It was and still is hard to explain. But I made a promise to myself and to my family that I would do what I need to to find my way out of that place.
Over the last 8 months...
Why do I share this? Because I know I'm not the one that struggles. This I know. I also know that there is more than one way to deal with struggles. If something is not working for you, try something different. Ask for help...even if it's hard.
It was my HOPE and still is my HOPE that I come out on the other side of this stronger, with a better understanding of myself and with a new confidence in who I am. Maybe using "other side" is not the best wording to use because it insinuates that there is a "here" and a "there," a "start" and an "end" when really it is "this moment, right now". We are all on our journeys that ebb and flow and are ever changing. Moments that melt together and are never really separate even if it sometimes feels that way; even if those moments happened in what seem like a lifetime ago, those moments are still a part of our journey. A part of our story and a part of what makes us who we are today. We have an opportunity to learn from the moments in our life that are hard, that are less than perfect, and turn them into something beautiful.
It is my HOPE that I can use my own struggles to help others around to feel a little less alone in their struggles. I know that I have been inspired by so many other people that have openly shared their struggles. I've had people reach out to me through social media that have been encourage by what I have shared with my struggles. I think it's so important for us to know how connected we are and that we all deal with different struggles throughout different times in our lives.
It is my HOPE that if someday my husband or my girls go through a period of darkness, that I will be able to help them come back into the light, because they are one of the very reasons I know the light exists. My family has helped bring me back into the sunshine. My husband, although I know a lot of times he may not know exactly what to do or say and we do a lot of things imperfectly, he has walked beside me through this period of struggle and does everything in his power to bring me back into the sunshine.
Brené Brown (I'm kind of a big fan of hers if you can't tell) writes in the Gifts of Imperfection, "...hope is not an emotion: it's a way of thinking or a cognitive process.
....hope happens when
What I'm discovering about HOPE as well as so many other things in my life, HOPE is something that requires some work. I find that all things that are good and worth in this life require work; marriage, parenting, friendship, your dreams and passions. I'm also finding that putting in the work into these areas in my life have also given me the greatest rewards and have been the most life filling parts of my soul.
Please follow along with our blog circle and read on to see what my friend, Aubrey of Aubrey Bahr Storyteller, has to say about HOPE.
Once again, Nebraska blessed us with one of her beautiful evenings for this Mommy & Me session. I love getting to follow friends and family through their journeys as their own family grows. I was lucky enough to photograph this mama for an in-home maternity session literally the day before this little beauty made her way into the world...about 5 1/2 weeks early.
I love this age. So sweet and shy to start with usually clinging for dear life to mom, slowly getting comfortable and gaining the confidence to explore more. Eventually moving into the independent, let me do it myself stage, which sometimes lead to tears when they don't get to do it themselves. There is so much joy, so much personality, and so much love that comes with this age! I'm so happy that I got to capture a little of it for these two. When you mix gorgeous light, bubbles, books & strawberries, it the perfect recipe for a great session!
This post is a long time past due! It's been over a month since I've seen this gorgeous family. I've been friends with these two since I first met my husband. We've camped together. We've tailgated together. We've been a part of each others weddings. We've welcomed each others kids into the world. We've celebrated birthdays. Ashley and I used to work together, before she left to pursue her dream of starting her own business...which has been such a successful venture for her. Although we may not see each other as much as we used to, these two will always be some of those people that no matter how much time goes by, you can always pick up where you left off and go from there.
I love getting to take families to places they have never been to explore. It adds an extra element of surprise and adventure to their photos. Seeing kids light up when they get to play in the water. To walk down stream a bit to see where it leads. I think anytime you can add a waterfall to your session, it adds magic. You would never be able to tell that just a a couple days earlier this place was drenched in downfall causing the river to almost look like chocolate milk. This was the first day the rain had let up. The sun came out and was able to dry this place up beautifully.
I hope you enjoy looking through these photos as much as I enjoyed taking them!
"Being FEARLESS isn't being 100% unafraid, it's being terrified but you jump anyway..." -Taylor Swift
Once again, I was taken in a different direction for this month's Something Beautiful theme of Fearless, than where I originally planned to go, but that's just another thing that's beautiful about this life...just because you don't go where you planned to doesn't mean that you can't end up in the right place. So, instead of throwing in the towel because I wasn't able to work on my original concept, I'm going to use one of the images that was taken during my trip to Nashville and base it around that.
I love that quote by Taylor because once again, I don't believe that being free from or lacking fear is quite on point. I once again think being fearless means to do something in spite of your fear or to work through it. I believe being fearless is being brave. But maybe not brave in the sense that some might think. I think we have a tendancy to look at these big, grande gestures as bravery...not to discredit those big acts of bravery, but I believe bravery happens all the time in small, ordinary ways.
Being FEARLESS could be getting on a plane though you are scared to fly, like my good friend that I traveled with did.
Being FEARLESS could be pulling your camera out in public for the first time and being scared of what others might think of you, but doing it anyway.
Being FEARLESS is hitting the publish button on a post you might be afraid of what others might think.
Being FEARLESS is being willing to say, "I'm sorry" or "I screwed up" and not knowing if you will be forgiven.
Being FEARLESS is trying sushi for the first time.
Being FEARLESS is asking for help though your pride would like to tell you, you don't need it.
Being FEARLESS is taking the first step towards following your dreams.
Being FEARLESS is showing up to your first day of school excited and nervous and walking through the front doors.
Being FEARLESS is picking yourself up after a failure.
Being FEARLESS is opening your heart up for love.
There are a million small ways in which we can be fearless everyday. Get on the plane. Push the shutter. Hit publish. Say, "I'm sorry." Try the sushi. Ask for help. Take the step. Walk through the door. Pick yourself up. Open your heart. How will you be FEARLESS today?
Please follow along with our blog circle and read on to see what my friend, Michelle, has to say about being fearless.
Vulnerable. What does that word even mean?
I'm not sure that I will really be able to put into words what vulnerable means to me, but here I go. Hang on tight, I failed Composition twice in high school....whoops! I've always struggled to put into words what goes on inside my head and then it usually comes out as word vomit.
Well, this is the definition that I found on the wonderful web...
vul·ner·a·ble adjective
susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.
"we were in a vulnerable position"
synonyms:helpless, defenseless, powerless, impotent, weak, susceptible"he was scared and vulnerable"
(of a person) in need of special care, support, or protection because of age, disability, or risk of abuse or neglect.
"employees must be better trained in how to deal with vulnerable young people"
(of a partnership) liable to higher penalties, either by convention or through having won one game toward a rubber.
Somehow, for me, this definition doesn't seem to fully cover it, or I guess at least it doesn't include some of my own ideas or even ideas of others I've come to believe being vulnerable is. I think to be vulnerable it takes courage, strength and bravery. Why? Because it can be scary and painful. You do put yourself at risk of being hurt or judged. I think of vulnerability as more of an act than a thing you are. I think to allow yourself to be vulnerable means to take down the walls so many of us build up, to strip away the things we use to cover up or hide our true selves. Those walls that we use as our defense mechanisms to fit in or to be liked or loved.
If you don't follow me on Instagram, I started the year off with a pretty personal image and some pretty personal words to go along with it. It was my 2017 proclamation. In it I stated this, "I hope 2017 is the year that I am able to strip down the ideas in my head of who I’m supposed to be, the unrealistic ideals I have for myself, the need for perfection and comparison and fitting in, and that I can just allow myself to just be who I already am. She’s in there hiding and it’s time to start peeling back the layers to find her again."
For me that was a pretty bold, vulnerable post. And let me tell you...I've been leaning into those things since then but it has not been easy. It's actually gotten really hard at times.
In another post, a few months later, I confessed that I had started seeing a therapist at the end of last year. Why? Because "somewhere along the way, I've separated my head from my heart. I've gotten stuck inside my head and I let these voices that are literally killing my insides right now, take over. I'm too much. I'm not enough. Who do you think you are? You're lazy. You're doing too much. I'm constantly overthinking things and I've become filled with things like anxiety, worry, doubt, fear, and even anger. Do you know what's it like to wake up and to not really feel things like love and joy or to even really feel sad anymore? You want to feel excited about life...but you just somehow can't get there. You can logically think and tell yourself all the positive things that you have going in your life, but you can't feel them. Hearing that truth, that I've separated my head from my heart this last week...it broke my heart and it hurts."
I think to be vulnerable to let the light shine in on all of our imperfections and flaws, and to unapologetically put yourself out there, to be seen, to be heard, and to be loved for who we are, flaws and all. None of us are perfect! Why do I think I need to be!?! Why do we respond with, "I'm fine" or "I'm okay," when we obviously are not? Why is it not okay to not be okay? I think we associate not being okay with weakness. "To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable, to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength." -Criss Jami
I've been carrying around a lot of self doubt, and negative self talk off and on for a long time. It's time to wash some of that away. Will it be easy? No. Will it be worth it? ABSOLUTELY!
So, here I am. Flaws and all.
You may also be wondering where I came up with this idea to write about being vulnerable. Well, I didn't. My beautiful friends, Tina and Britney, came up with this brilliant idea of putting together this project, Something Beautiful, where each month we focus on one word and we use that word, our art, our photography, and our words if we choose, to heal and grow. Photo therapy. Please take a moment to go and check each of them out.
No! I did not hire models for this session, but it sure looks like I did! I got the take a walk in the woods with this beautiful 7 year old and her gorgeous mama! Not a single one of us could deliver a joke, which that in itself left us laughing hysterically. I learned that Jen may not exactly be a Master Chef when if comes to cooking, but if you ask Rylee her favorite thing about her mom, it's her cooking. I loved getting to capture sweet looks at one another that normally might of by unnoticed. Those looks that say, "I love you," without one word ever needing to be spoken. I feel like I was able to witness a lot of what the relationship between this mama and daughter consists of...being able to laugh together, have fun together, get a little dirty and adventure together, and I got to witness a crazy amount of love and respect for each other.
I believe God places particular people in your life to teach you specific lessons. God definitely gave me this little girl to remind that I can't control everything and to let go and let loose. When we had our first daughter, Kinley, I thought she was just like me, and to a certain degree, she is. She is more like the person I am today. It's when this little girl came along that my mom reminded me that Rowan is more like the girl that I used to be when I was younger.
She's very daring and brave. My heart has finally learned to quit skipping a beat when I see her climbed up high on something. She's been climbing onto things since the moment she could walk. I remember walking into the living room to find her standing on a table just shortly after she turned one. We had to ditch her crib earlier than planned because she's would climb up onto the top and jump down at 18 months. Her feel still hit the floor with such a force every morning when she wakes up.
She's the kid you will find exploring the depths of a puddle or finding out how squishy the mud is. She makes sure that we don't step on ants or walk on any cracks. She likes to stop and smell flowers and loves to pick them for me. She's a bit of a pack rat and you never know what you are going to find hiding in the nooks and crannies of her room. She's always talking about what her next adventure will be and is constantly making sure her suitcase is packed and ready to go. Someday she will live in a hotel or on a boat or on an island and somedays it's the tree in our front yard. And speaking of talking...she loves to do that...A LOT!
She's the mostly likely to be a blur in photos because she's on the move so much...or she's just trying to avoid them. She's already boy crazy and talks about marrying a little boy she met at the park one time. She's funny and witty and amazes us with some of the things that come out of her mouth. She looks like her dad and to say she is obsessed with me would be an understatment.
I would be lying if I said this last year at home has been easy on me. I've found myself in a weird place and having a hard time. But sitting down right now and reflecting on it and my time with her and her sister, this last year has been a lesson and one that I'm still learning and trying to figure out. I may not always enjoy or appreciate every single one of my days at home, but I do know that when I look back on my life, I will not have one regret about my decision to stay at home.
it's the wild one's that will set you free. -k.a.
One of the best compliment that I could receive is hearing that I have been requested to do photos for a family. Every time. By the kids. 10 minutes into your session. That reassures me that I'm doing exactly what I set out to do...give mom, dad and the kids a fun experience. This family was absolutely amazing. I would be lying if I said I wasn't just a little nervous ahead of time because this is the largest family I have ever photographed. All of that changed though, the second the car doors opened and the kids started coming out. There was so much personality to capture...sweet, silly, funny, shy, spunky, outgoing, playful, curious, helpful. Mostly tough, there was a lot of love and a lot of laughter! I walked away from this session with a full heart and I can't wait until the next time I get to hang out with this family again!
I know we all have those moments where you look at your child and suddenly they're older than they were the day before. I mean, I know that sounds pretty obvious. We all are older than the day previous, but when you are parent, it's like one day you wake up and time has managed to slip through your fingers once again. It plays tricks on you, time does. One day you are holding your precious baby girl for the very first time and then you blink and her first full year of school is almost over and you stand there dumbfounded and wondering where the next blink will land you.
This girl is sweet and gentle and kind and caring and social...so, so social! I get asked on the daily when we are going to someone's house or when someone can come over on a play date. She loves people. She's pretty outgoing and I love and admire that about her. She's also very intelligent, and so far learning has come pretty natural to her. She can also be very determined when something doesn't come naturally. I remember at the beginning of the school year she wanted so badly to get all the way across the monkey bars. She tried and tried so hard, every day after school. Before long she was gliding across them with such ease and skipping two at a time. She loves school and is not looking forward to school coming to an end.
She will still hold my hand in public. From time to time she will get jealous of how much time her sister gets to spend with me now, which usually results in a mommy/daughter date shortly thereafter. She still cuddles up to me when we have family movie night. She likes it when I sing her songs and scratch her back right before bed. Her laugh is almost the exact same as her very first one, it just has a little older sound to it. She believes in magic and looks for fairies in trees. When I look at her, really look at her, it brings tears to my eyes because I blinked. And she grew up a little more.
There is nothing better than getting to spend a gloomy Saturday morning doing something you love to do, but to also get to do that with people you love! To say I'm excited about the sweet little babe in that mama's belly would be an understatement. That little babe is going to is going to be my niece and for the 6th time, I will have an other human being that will call me Aunt Maranda. I'm also pretty stoked to see this little boy as a big brother and for my girls have another girl cousin!
I love the elements that having a session in your own home can bring. It's laid back. You have a tendency to feel more relaxed which allows you to be more authentic and genuine. You don't have to worry about rushing to a certain location. You don't have to depend on what the weather is up to that day. Also, one day you will get to look back at these moments and remember the house you used to live in, or what your house used to look like at the time. Things like your home are a part of your story, a part of your family history, and I think that's pretty cool!
I sure do miss working with this beautiful gal, but I love still getting together for lunches, coffee dates, the occasional tailgate since then. I also love it when I get to spend the most gorgeous evening in March with her and her boys adventuring. Having only girls, spending time with them gave me a small glimpse into what being a boy mom is like.
Sometimes you have to do things that you know will feed your soul even if it seems a little crazy at the time. For me that was driving the girls out to Colorado for 2 nights over Kinley's spring break. Two nights may not seem worth it to most, to spend over 14 hours in the car with both girls by myself, but I knew it was exactly what we needed. Kinley had just gotten over another random fever/illness, we had been cooped up in the house for a few days already, and I knew I wasn't going to survive another day, let alone 3, of "What are we going to do now?," "What can we do that's fun?," "What are we going to do that's special?," "Can we go somewhere?," "Can we do another craft?," "Can we, can we, Mom, Mom, Mom." I love my girls dearly, but there is only so much entertaining that I have in me.
So, kind of last minute, we packed up the car and we made the drive out to the Colorado to go visit my brother and his family. It had been awhile and the girls needed to see their cousins and I need to see my brother and my sister-in-law, whom to me, she's never been much of an in-law...just my sister. Our girls so far have been rockstar travelers which helped this mama out a lot! We were knocking on their door by early afternoon and surprising my sweet little niece who had no clue that we were coming. How many of you don't tell your kids things because you don't want to get their hopes up in case things fall through or you maybe don't want them to ask every 20 minutes when it's going to happen?
It may have a been a quick trip, but boy did we do our best not to waste a minute while we were there. We spent the first evening just catching up and letting the kids play. There may have been a pretty epic dance party in the kitchen that night too!
In the morning we headed to the Denver Zoo and spent a good chunk of our day there. We got to see baby Dobby...you know that baby giraffe no one knew about while they were waiting for April to have her baby. By the way...has April had hers yet?! No. Huh? Of course the biggest hit was the electronic dinosaur. Seems appropriate that we go to the zoo to see animals and their favorite thing is not something that is even alive. Ha! We managed to be there on the opening of their new tiger exhibit which was pretty cool. We ended our time at the zoo with a bite to eat, with one of the best chicken teriyaki rice bowls I've ever had, ice cream, an elephant show, and with Rowan getting bit by one of the geese that crowd the lunch tables.
When we left we decided to drive the highway up to Boulder so the kids could get a nap in. It's such a peaceful drive on the highway from Denver to Boulder, with a gorgeous view of the mountains to the west. After the kiddos had a decent nap it was back to the house for a fairy craft with mason jars, tissue paper, glitter Mod Podge, battery tea lights, stickers and rhinestones...so many rhinestones! The girls love looking for fairies with their Auntie and cousin and it's become a really fun tradition for them to do together.
If that wasn't already enough for one day, Kinley talked us into walking to the park after supper just as the sun was going down. That night after the kids went to bed it was so good to just sit and talk life with my brother and his wife. Her and I even squeezed in a mama craft after my brother called it a night.
The next morning was kind of a blur getting myself and the girls ready, packing all our stuff up, loading up the car, and trying to make sure we didn't forget anything. We had planned to leave there shortly after lunch. All it took was one comment about how we should have drove up to the mountains on our nap time drive the day before and it was decided that lunch needed to take place in Estes before we headed out. As much as I was excited about our spontaneous drive up into the mountains...I was nervous too. James had always been with me and did the driving whenever we went up into the mountains.
The nerves soon went away when we were on the road and the closer we got to the mountains, the more my heart was filled with peace. That peace continued to fill my heart as we drove up the mountain to the point that my heart was no longer being able to hold it all in and that peace poured out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I don't know if I'll ever fully be able to put into words the feeling that comes over me when we drive through such majestic beauty, but I don't think it's supposed to be put into words. I think that is one of those things in life that you just have to feel and that can never be explained.
After a quick bite, we of course had to find a "mountian" to climb. Trying to explain that we were already in the mountains was easier said than done. We were able to find a little spot behind the shoppes of Estes that the girls could easily climb. Of course the moms had to climbs up to rescue a couple little goats that couldn't make their way back down. My brother even surprised us and had left work to come join us and to say our goodbyes.
Once again, my girls were champs and with only one pit stop to use the bathrooms, eat, and fuel up, we were home in 8 hours. It always feels so, so good to be home after a trip and we were all excited to see James, but I think a piece of my always stays behind in those mountains...waiting to call me again!
So I had big plans to try and shoot a day in the life of my time at home on the anniversary of my last day of work which was two years ago. Well, that day came and went, much like most of my days do now. Life at home has not always been what I thought it was going to be and I'll be honest, staying home at times has been really, really hard on me.
I miss being alone in the car on the drive to and from work and having time in my own head. I miss, at times, having coworkers to bounce ideas off of, having someone to collaborate with and to just plain talk to throughout the day. I miss my Friday afternoon shopping and errand running before picking the girls up from daycare. Let's be honest though, not having that Friday afternoon to shop has probably helped make up the gap of our household salary after leaving my job! I miss seeing the look on their faces when I picked them up from daycare and hearing the excitement in their voices when they would yell, "MOMMY!"
While I miss so many of those things, there is so much that I have gained from staying home. I love how attached my sweet little Ro has gotten to me. I love hearing her talk and listening to her crazy, random stories, and boy can that girl talk! I love being able to take Kinley to school and pick her up every day. I love getting to be the first person to hear about her day. I also love the days when we meet her at school for lunch. I love having a little more time to focus on photography. I love getting to explore my more creative side with my girls as we color, paint and draw together. I love that most days I can have supper ready to go by the time my hubs gets home so we have more time in the evening to spend together as a family.
Somedays the things that I miss take over how I feel and somedays the things that I love do and I've decided that's okay. Today the love wins and these are a just a few reasons why...
"When we nourish ourselves with good people, projects, surroundings, scenery, love, magic, beauty, and self-care, we radiate light into the world and continually sharpen our vision, perception, and clarity all at once. This in turn spreads to even more. Remember that one tiny drop can raise an ocean. Keep wanting. Desiring. Doing. Breathing in the sweet things." ~Victoria Erickson, Edge of Wonder
Do you ever have moments in your life that come at the exact time that you need them? This past weekend I had the opportunity to attend a workshop that my friend, Jillian Schernikau of Jillian Schernikau Photography, hosted....Crazy Making DOS! If you have ever met Jillian, you know that she has a heart for people, a heart for teaching, a heart for creating, and a heart for sharing her light, amongst many, many other things. Those of us that were there got a huge ole heaping pile of all of it. Nine of us sat in a huge circle, on Jill's floor, in her house in Beaver Crossing. We talked life, stories were shared, tears were shed, laughs were had, wine was poured, food was eaten, and it was just one of those times in your life when your soul gets filled. There is something so personal and intimate about sitting face to face with one another and sharing and connecting like that. The next time Jillian hosts another workshop, I would highly recommend going! It doesn't matter if you've been taking photos for years or picking up a camera for the first time!
Thank you, Jillian, for sharing all of you and your Crazy Making!
Here are a few behind the scenes photos....
Here are few images from our first model of the day. She made things pretty easy for us. So much so, that we had to ask her to play dumb a bit so that we could learn how to work for it. I mean seriously...she's a knockout!
Our second model session was this beautiful mama expecting her second, along with her husband and sweet little girl! Can you all believe that she is 35 weeks here!? She was absolutely stunning and the epitome of a glowing mama.
